Sibling Journey?

Yesterday afternoon I received an email and some new pics of Baby D.  Oh, chunkiness galore!!  Just as G stated, "meals are not an issue."  LOL.  He really looks like his daddy.  He's just over 4 months old now.  G made my day by telling me that the more they talk about it, they for sure want to try again...and try with US!!  I was/am so happy!  I texted Brad the news.  He thought it was great.  When I got home from work, he asked if I was able to drive home okay with being so freakin excited.  LOL, he knows me so well.  So, yes, July 2014 may be the beginnings of a sibling journey!!  Yay!

As a side note, we went shopping last weekend.  There were 3 pregnant ladies right inside the door.  I made some comment about all the prego bellies.  Brad just looked at me and jokingly said, "Really?"  Uh, you do know who you're talking to right?  LOL!  I replied, "Really?  Do you even have to question me?  Of course I'm going to be jealous of the bellies!"  :)  I just had to share!  Have a great day!

Been awhile

I haven't posted for awhile.  Lots has happened in the almost 2 months since posting.  My daughter had heart surgery the middle of June, had a complication and was placed back in the hospital for a few days.  That period of time was so crazy.  I'm so very happy to say she's recovered extremely well now, 6 weeks post surgery.  Her doc even said she can bump a volleyball a bit, according to her comfort.  She LOVES volleyball, so this made her happy!  Practice starts in just a month at school!

Baby D is growing nice and chunky!  He's so adorable.  G sends me pics/texts here and there and I'm so thankful for that.  He is almost 4 months old!!  Wow!  I had spoken with G awhile ago about the possibility of getting a new tattoo.  There is an FDA regulation that you must wait one year after a tattoo/piercing to do any embryo transfer stuff.  I asked her what their timeline was for considering taking this journey again.  If it was sooner than the one year, I wouldn't get the tattoo.  I know they have more frozen embies and she wasn't sure if they had to "use" them in a certain timeframe or not.  They checked and it was all good with her clinic to store the embies for awhile more and still have them be okay.  She said they thought spring babies were fantastic, so they would love to try again in July 2014!  They said it was okay with them if I went ahead with my tattoo.  Deep down, I really wanted to get the tattoo to help force myself to wait a year before getting prego again.  I feel great right now, so I know I would have jumped right in again.  I had wanted another tattoo, so it's not like I got it only for that reason though.  So anyway, all is well here, just slow going in the surrogacy world while we wait to see if they really do want to try again next year...talk at you all later!

2 mos. post-partum

Wow, time has flown by.  It's been 2 months since Baby D was born.  I am still feeling great.  My body isn't quite back to where I want it yet, but it's still so early.  I was talking to my husband just the other day about Baby D.  It feels like it was such a long time ago, which seems strange to me.  I had a baby 2 months ago, but I feel like it's been practically a year.  That's crazy!!!  I received some of Baby D's birth announcements in the mail.  He's changed so much!  I have received numerous email pics, too.  He's so adorable, with super chubby cheeks!  They are such a cute family.  It makes my heart swell just thinking of them and the part we had in helping create that family. 

My agency called last week and mentioned they had a couple who specifically wanted a surrogate in my state.  She wasn't talking about me, but asked if I had heard of anyone throughout my journey that had said they wanted to be a surrogate.  So, hey, if any of you ladies out there near me want to be a surro, hit me up!  :)  My heart actually pitter-pattered.  I got excited all over again, thinking of G&M.  I would do it again.  I will do it again.  I just hope G&M are the ones we are matched with again!  The wait just seems like sooo long to wait though...lol.  It's a surrogate thing, don't worry.  I'm not crazy!  :)

Back to normal

I've been back to work just over a week now.  It's all good, same old, same old.  My co-workers seemed happy to have me back.  I'm getting back into the normal swing of things at work and at home.  Laundry has resumed to being backed up by several basket fulls.  LOL!  I really should do at least one load a night to get caught up...we'll see.  I want to TRY to start working out soon, as I still have 26 pounds to lose to get to my pre-prego weight.  I would like to lose more than that though.  I will just have to steer clear of the local ice cream shop that opened up again for the spring/summer.  It's not easy when I have 4 kiddos - and a husband that has stronger ice cream cravings than I do!  Well, a little here or there will be okay, right?!  Ha!

I received a pretty card in the mail yesterday from G&M.  They included some updated pics of Baby D!  He has already changed so much.  He's so stinkin cute!  It was wonderful seeing the pictures.  They gave me a warm fuzzy feeling to know he's growing and so, so loved by his parents.  :) 

There was a little note on the card that simply stated, "If you ever think of going on this roller coaster again, please keep us in mind!"  Oh. My. Gosh!! I may or may not have jumped up and down and screamed a lil bit!!  I was hoping they would like to do a sibling journey sometime in the future.  Now that they have opened the door to that idea, I got so darn excited.  My hubby just gave me a big ole smile.  He knows I would absolutely love to do another journey, especially if it was with G&M.  I know the future could change and things happen, but I hope sometime we are in the midst of giant shots in my butt and waiting on the double lines on the prego tests.  Some think I'm crazy to just utter the word "pregnant" just a month after delivering a baby.  I get excited just thinking about the possibility!  Yes, call me crazy, insane, weird, whatever you want.  Eh, maybe I am!  ;)

3 weeks post-partum

Three weeks has gone by so quickly.  Baby D is gaining weight well and is as adorable as ever!  G sent some new pictures a day or so ago.  I'm sad to be going back to work tomorrow.  I'm definitely healed well enough to go, just don't want to.  And for anyone with concerns of me going back so soon, my doctor is okay with me going back before the normal 6 weeks.  I just sit at my cushy desk job anyway.  :)  I'm emotionally/mentally stable and healing well.  I honestly don't feel like I had a baby 3 weeks ago.  I feel really great. 

I swear my outlook on life is slightly different after going through this journey.  I can't really explain it, though it's for the better.  Seeing G&M's absolute raw emotion during the birth of Baby D was the most amazing thing I've witnessed in my life.  It is something I will carry in my heart forever.  Some people have asked if we will do another surrogacy.  Depending on how things work out with my daughter and her feelings about the journey, I (along with my hubby who is in total agreement) would definitely do this again....in a heartbeat, especially if it was for G&M again.  There.  I said it.  ;)

1 wk post-partum

It's been one week since Baby D entered the world.  G&M sent a pic of him a couple days ago.  They really are such wonderful people.  I just can't say it enough.  Baby D is extremely loved by them and all their friends and family who were awaiting his arrival as well. 

I'm feeling really good, physically and emotionally.  My milk came in full force last Thursday.  Oy!  That's a pain I always tend to forget about.  They are finally starting to ease up today, thankfully!  I've lost about 15 of the 46 pounds I gained so far.  Hopefully the weight won't decide to stay for the long haul!!  I will be working to get rid of the weight as soon as my doc allows me to.  I will have my checkup in 2 weeks, so I can return to work by 4/16. 

The first day home was an emotional one for me, even for Brad.  I couldn't even talk about the delivery without crying.  It was such a miraculous moment, that tears just came every time I thought about it.  I can talk about it now just fine.  I never had that maternal feeling with Baby D.  I never had that longing to have him here at home with me.  He felt like he was a close friend's baby that I was meeting and I was completely okay with handing him back to his parents.  I surely don't miss having to be sleep deprived with middle of the night feedings and hearing a newborn crying.  :)  Since I don't have a newborn to take care of during my 3 weeks off work, I feel like I'm healing faster.  I am getting enough sleep and not worried about a new baby and all that comes with him.  I'm not getting that anxious feeling before bedtime like I had gotten with my own kids.  I love my sleep, as I believe know I've mentioned before, so much and any disturbance to it, gave me anxiety for some reason. 

When people ask me how I'm doing, I have a feeling they don't fully believe me when I say I am good, great even!  I just hate how it seems some people expect me to be a complete mess.  I'm truly the opposite.  I feel so gosh darn happy that I was able to grow a healthy baby and help create a family!  Surrogacy isn't for everyone.  There isn't a more true statement out there.  I believe I was made for this.  God gave me the ability to carry and birth children relatively easily, which I LOVE!  I, in turn, was able to help someone else.  Amazing!  Sibling journey or Round 2 in the future??  Who knows...only time will tell!!  ;)  I want to thank every one of you who supported us throughout the last 2+ years since our surrogacy journey first began.   XOXO

He's here!

Monday, March 25th, 2013.  This is the day little Baby D was born.  My hubby and I arrived at the hospital around 7:00 am to be induced.  G&M arrived just after 8:00 am.  The nurse hooked me up to monitor baby's heartrate and to see if I was contracting at all.  I was contracting about every 3 minutes, feeling some, but not all of them.  Baby's heartrate was great.  The doc came in to see if I was dilated anymore.  He said I was about a 3, but baby's head wasn't engaged yet, so he wasn't going to break my water.  I received my first dose of cytotec at 8:00 am.

We did a lot of walking the halls to try to get the contractions going.  The doc came back in around noon to check me again.  No change...I was so bummed!  So I received another dose of cytotec.  More walking the halls, sitting on the exercise ball, swaying my hips.  Doc was back around 3:30 pm and I was at a 4.  Baby's head still wasn't engaged.  I received my 3rd dose of cytotec at 4:00 pm.  I began feeling the contractions more consistently.  They were getting stronger!  Doc came back once again around 4:30 and I was at a 5.  Baby's head was down, but doc still didn't feel comfortable breaking my water yet.

It was turning out to be a very long day!  G&M were getting more emotional as the day progressed, understandably so!  Doc checked me just before 7:00 pm.  I was at a 6 with a bulging bag of waters, head waaaay down.  He finally broke my water.  That feeling in itself is like a little bit of relief.  Things sped up after that.  I had to start breathing through the contratctions at this point.   Around 8:00 pm, they were coming every 30 seconds and lasting around a minute or more.

With my other deliveries, my thighs would start to shake once I got to 9 cm.  This one was no different.  By 9:00 pm, my thighs shook and I had to fight the urge to push.  Doc said I was, in fact, 9 cm.  I had to breath through the next 4 or so contractions until I was at a 10 and then it was go time!!  Everyone got ready.  Being able to push after trying to make your body NOT push was sooo wonderful!  I pushed through the next 3 contractions.  Baby D was born at 9:14 pm.  He is beautiful!!  G&M helped clean him off and stimulate him while the cord stopped pulsating.  Once it did, M got to cut the cord.  G wanted skin-to-skin contact and to try nursing asap after birth.  He didn't really have any interest in eating though.  He weighed in at 8 pounds 1 oz and was 20.5 inches long. 

As the doc was finishing me up, getting the placenta to deliver, making sure I didn't tear (which I didn't!) and all that, all I could do was stare in such awe at the new family we helped create!  I honestly can't think of strong enough, emotional enough, deep enough, words to describe what we saw.  G&M just couldn't take their eyes off of Baby D.  It was such a magical moment and I feel so very blessed to have been a part of it.  I can't even think of the moment without crying.  They aren't sad tears though, the absolute opposite actually.  I have no feelings of sadness, just pure, overwhelming happiness. 

It was such a different feeling than when I delivered my own children.  This has been the most gratifying experience of my life.  I was proud of myself for baking him until he was ready and for him being healthy.  I didn't feel the need to hold him or anything right away.  I wanted G&M to have their special time.  It was a room full of emotions, that's for sure!! I knew they would let me see and hold him when they were ready and they did.  He's so adorable, just so stinkin' cute! 

We had the kids come over to meet him yesterday.  Some family and friends also stopped by, which was nice.  Our boys were just so excited to finally meet him.  Our teenage daughter isn't much for holding babies anyway, so just basically looked at him a bit.  In the last month, she had expressed that she wasn't comfortable with the entire surrogacy.  That was tough to hear, since she was totally fine before we began the process and after the embryo transfer, saying she was cool with it as long as we weren't bringing another baby into our house.  She's having difficulties, since I'm not bringing home a baby, but she didn't not want G&M to have their baby. 

It is spring break for the kids this week, and she is at her dad's house.  In the midst of our teary (happy!!) goodbyes this morning, her dad sent me a text.  Not to air my dirty laundry on here, but I have to get this out.  The very first sentence was, "You are the most selfish person I know!"  My, how he knows how to ruin a wonderful moment, don't you think?!!  I'm trying to not let it get to me, since he is just being himself....the usual asshole.  I didn't even read the entire text at the time, but he basically said I was selfish because our daughter was having trouble dealing with this and I was a horrible person because I was doing something that made me happy.  Little does he know, that WE weren't even made aware of how she felt until a month ago!  ONE month!!  I can't exactly stop a pregnancy!  We will handle this and we will get through this.  It is an emotional event in all of our lives.  We are all going to handle this in our own way.  I just really wish she was here with us, so we could do it together.  He would never let that happen though.  Time will tell how things go with her.  Just like any parent, I don't like seeing my child upset and will do whatever I can to make her better. 

Anyway, Brad came over to the hospital after taking the boys to daycare this morning.  G&M wanted to get on the road in the morning.  Brad and I wanted to say goodbye without the kids there, because we knew there would be tears from all of us.  We had the nurse take a pic of us 5 together.  Then G&M let me and Brad have some time alone with Baby D.  Tears were flowing, but not because we were sad.  I am just so happy he's healthy and G&M are so happy!!  This had been a long time coming for them.  They deserve this little boy and have loved him so much from the very beginning.  That is how I wanted this journey to end.  Although, we will still be in touch through emails, pictures and texts so it's not officially "the end".  Hopefully sometime in the future we can take a trip to PA to visit them.  I am extremely humbled to be a part of their lives and to have been the caretaker of Baby D for his first 9 months.  They are in charge for the next chapter in his life.  I couldn't be happier!!

Almost there!

I had booked another doctor appointment for Wednesday since G&M are here.  They hadn't been to one yet, besided the ultrasounds.  The appointment went well.  My doc checked me, but there had been no change, still 2 cm.  I was kinda bummed.  I had so many contractions, I was sure there had to be some progress.  We went for lunch afterwards.  G was finally able to feel Baby move.  He had been quite stubborn whenever they were around by not moving an inch. 

Our induction is set for Monday morning.  We are to arrive by 7am.  I have a feeling I will not go into labor before then.  It just happens to be the same day as my sister's induction and a day after my daughter gets confirmed.  The weekend will fly by and Monday will be here before we know it! 

Everyone keeps asking if I'm ready and counting down the days.  Uh, nope.  LOL.  I guess we really have only...4 days left.....and I even had to look at the calendar to check.  Wow, that really is soon!!  Seriously, I'm not counting down the days!  Normally I would be, but this has been the easiest/smoothest (aside from 1.5" needles in my butt for a few months!) pregnancy by far.  I really am only a bit uncomfortable in the evenings, more towards bedtime.  I feel great throughout the day.  My ankles have only swollen a little bit compared to the others.  I've gained about 10 pounds less than the previous pregnancies as well.  All in all, I feel great. 

If I don't check in before the big day, please say a quick prayer that Baby and I do well during and after labor and delivery.  I just want him to be healthy!!  I can't wait to see his parents' faces!!  Here's to a speedy recovery as well!  Thank you all for following along.  :)

False Labor?

Boy, after my doctor appointment on Tuesday, contractions were coming quite a bit.  I figured I was just irritated from being checked.  They didn't really go away until Wednesday morning.  I was so exhausted yesterday from not sleeping well.  In the middle of the night, I kept going back and forth in my head about whether to tell G&M to head this way now instead of waiting until Friday. 

By yesterday afternoon, the contractions were coming back.  I was telling Brad about them.  I've never had that many contractions without ending up with a baby.  We decided we needed to tell G&M to head back this way...just in case!  They were more than ready to head on back.  They should actually be in the area late this afternoon.  I will feel extremely foolish if absolutely nothing happens before our induction date of 3/25 though.  They are able to work from here via their computers, so that will help.  I just hope they don't get upset if they are here for over a week before anything happens.  Maybe I was just stressing myself out thinking they may not make here in time and that caused me to contract even more.  Ah, who knows!  He can arrive anytime now!!  :)

I'm feeling better today.  Yesterday, I felt like I had been through hours of actual labor!  I was a zombie at work.  Contractions are tiring!  They are more sporatic today.  I'm thinking it must have been false labor, which I've never had before.  I'm really curious if the contractions thinned me out or dilated me more.  I don't have any more doctor appointments, although I could always make one just to see.  I won't be 38 weeks until Sunday.  I will feel better if he holds out until then at least.  Being 37 weeks just seems early to me, even though it's officially considered full term and only 2 weeks prior to our induction date.  I just want to make sure he's baked all the way!!  LOL.  No need to rush it, baby!

So, now that they will be here very soon, the anticipation is on the rise.  We will twiddle our fingers and wait.  And wait some more. 

Lots happening

G&M came this last weekend.  They got to meet our kids for the first time.  We went to a museum and aquarium.  I think everyone had a great time.  It was a lot of walking for me.  After the museum, we headed for lunch at Red Robin.  That's a great place for us as a family, (it's so loud) so our kids aren't the main attraction.   Plus, their bottomless fries are delish!  :)

Yesterday, we had our court hearing.  I think we were all a bit nervous.  Court isn't something to take lightly, especially when it's dealing with this sort of thing.  Our judge was fantastic.  He even joked around a bit.  I think he would have signed the order without hearing each of our testimonies.  When the guardian ad litem asked if he wanted to hear them, he slightly shrugged his shoulders and simply said, "sure".  It all worked out in the end though.  :) I'm sure it was a massive weight lifted of G&M's shoulders to have that out of the way.  Now they can take their new little boy home right after leaving the hospital.

Today, I had my last doctor appointment.  I am measuring right at 37 weeks.  Doctor checked me and said I was dilated to 2 cm!  Wow!  I have only been dilated prior to delivery with my first child, not my last three, so this was a surprise.  He said I was still pretty thick though.  Now, I just hope he stays in place until the 25th.  It will be much easier with the kids if we know when he's going to arrive.  Ah, but we all know babies are the ones that make the schedules.  LOL.  I think I freaked G&M out a bit by telling them I was dilated.  They could be here in just over 4 hours by plane, if need be.  Let's all pray that whenever this little guy decides to arrive, that his parents are able to get here in time to witness his birth. 

34 weeks

I just realized I didn't update after my doctor appointment last week.  I only have 2 appointments left before D-Day!!  All is looking good.  Baby is head down.  His heartrate was in the 140's.  I'm measuring right on still.  I've gained 35 pounds so far...eww!  I usually gain around 50, so it seems we are on track for that once again with just 5 weeks remaining.  I had heartburn something fierce last week.  It seems to be just fine now, thankfully.  Tums are always with me, just in case!  Other than the heartburn, I'm feeling really great.  I haven't gotten to the uncomfortable, get-this-over stage yet.  I'm still loving it!!!!

A few people have recently asked me if I would do this again.  You know, as of right now, right this very second in time, I would absolutely, without a doubt, say yes.  HOWEVER, I don't know how I will feel emotionally and mentally after the birth of this little baby boy that is so loved and wanted by his parents.  I think I will be okay, but one doesn't truly know until they go through the experience itself.  I obviously wouldn't do it again if my hubby wasn't all for it.  Only time will tell.

Court

It looks like G&M will be here on March 11th for the pre-birth order court date.  This way, all that stuff will be done before baby arrives.  They can then head home right afterwards instead of sitting in a court room.  They will come out again about a week and a half after the court date to await his arrival!!  I'm so excited to see them again!  I'm sure we will have a nice lunch after court before they head back home. 

Not a whole lot going on, pregnancy-wise.  We are going to be 33 weeks on Sunday.  I'm still feeling pretty good.  It's getting harder to bend over, but other than that, all seems to be good.  My ankles have started to swell just a bit, nothing too bad yet.  My next doctor appointment is Wednesday.  I think I will go every two weeks after that.  Baby is still moving ALL OVER!  The other night, man, I thought he was doing somersaults in there.  I have never felt that much movement while pregnant...ever!  It's times like those, that makes me wish I could see what he's doing in there.  :)

29 wks

We are just over 29 weeks along now.  I had my doc appointment yesterday.  Everything is going well.  The doc wasn't positive that baby is head down.  I swear he's not.  Only time will tell, I suppose.  He did pencil us in for induction on March 25!!!  That is awesome!  I told him G&M were planning on coming the week before we are due.  They are driving (14 hrs!) so they wanted to make sure they were there for the birth.  Hopefully I won't go into labor before then!  I really want them to witness the birth of their son.  I'm actually excited for it...although not ready for it to be over just yet.  I'm feeling great and time has been going by so quickly.  I know G&M are getting excited and anxious to meet their little guy.  I just want him to hang out for 9.5 more weeks!!  :)

New Year

Well, it's finally 2013.  As great as 2012 was, I'm hoping 2013 will be even better. I'm blessed to be carrying a bouncing baby boy for an absolutely adorable, wonderful, deserving couple.  I'm also blessed to have such a supportive husband who has put up with me throughout this journey so far.  The best is yet to come and I truly can't wait! 

Just before Christmas, I ended up with a kidney stone.  I pray I never have to go through that ordeal again in my entire life.  That was excruciating!  I seriously thought I was going to die.  I would never describe labor/delivery as excrutiating (and I don't even use any pain meds)...kidney stone, on the other hand, without a doubt! 

Baby is moving a TON lately.  He is no longer head down, as I stated before, just all over the place.  I hope he decides to stay head down relatively soon.  My next doctor appointment is in a week and a half.  I feel like I've grown a ton.  I'm in desperate need of a chiropractor appointment.  That is on the agenda this week.  It will be heaven!  Happy New Year to all!!